Zanarkand's Double Feature
by Lasinad
Summary: What happens when you get bored of sitting around and playing videogames in your head, listening to music from a famous movie/broadway? Or a cult classic? Probably something much more sane than this. Nothing about this fic is random, even if it seems slightly out there. Prepare yourself for humor in all it's twisted forms. And I'm not boasting either.
1. Chapter 1

Zanarkand's Double Feature

RHPS Char

FFX Char

Janet

Lulu

Brad

Wakka

Riff Raff

Jecht

Magenta

Yuna

Frank N Furter

Seymour

Rocky

Tidus

Columbia

Rikku

Eddie

Bickson

Dr. Scott

Braska

Criminologist Expert

Auron

It is Barthello and Donna's wedding day. Lulu seems happy, and Yuna is agitated. Donna throws the boquet to the crowd of awaiting women. Lulu happens to be the tallest, and catches it midair (Not that she'd cheat and use Demi).  
Wakka says, "Good catch, ya?" Jecht is sweeping the church's steps, while Bickson is signing autographs.  
Barthello looks at Wakka and winks. "Guess you're getting married next, no?" Not too gently, he slams a hand at Wakka's back, without reason.  
"Huh? Wha-?"  
Lulu comes up to Wakka and hands him the boquet. "That's what this means - We are getting married."  
"Ah, man. I guess we gotta go tell Lord Braska then, huh?"  
"I'm driving," Lulu says, smiling.  
"No way. Last time we ended up in a hole under a tree."  
"Oh, it was fun, and you know it!"  
Wakka rubs the back of his head. "Ya, until that crazy queen tried to off us, ya know? I quite like my head where it is."

From left stage (huh, when did that get there), a flash bomb explodes, blinding everyone in sight. Out of the crowd who was present before, only Wakka, Lulu and Jecht remain to be seen.  
Music begins to play at an increasing tempo, and Wakka finds himself unable to resist dancing. "I wanna marry you, Janet! If you're confused all of a sudden, then can it! Even your record came clean when I ran it! My point is, Dammit, Janet, I love you!"  
Lulu, thoroughly confused, is looking at Wakka as if he's been possessed. _Oh, I must be Janet. So why do I want to call him Brad?_  
Jecht, in the background, is sweepdancing (kinda like breakdancing, but with more mechanics involved). After half a minute more, they board a shoopuff, and it begins to head north.

Five minutes later, the same shoopuff screams in agony, whining about a foot cramp. Annoyed, Lulu and Wakka step off the creature, who then limps off to the distance.  
"Now what?" Wakka wonders aloud.

* * *

First chapter. Expect more, since a lot of it is already written out. Please give some time, as I am uploading from a library computer. You'll find out in chapter 7 why Auron's part is crossed ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Wakka and Lulu find themselves standing before a large mansion. Slowly walking up to what appears to be a Chocobo Ranch Gateway, their footsteps echo loudly, reminding them of the time they got lost in the weird inverted castle. Lulu begins to hum quietly to The Frankenstien Place.  
"What's that you're humming, Ja?"  
"I don't know...but please call me by my full name. Readers are starting to question your ethnicity."  
"Oh. Okay, that makes sense, ya, Janetlu?"  
Lulu shakes her head. "Just shut up, Brad."  
"Sure is spooky, ya?"

Far ahead (6 yards forward, two stories up) Jecht is hanging out a window, taunting the night with a candlestick. "Well, lookie here. Guests. Better get in my good clothes, ya know?"  
Yuna, hidden in unseen shadows, says, "mmm...you look so good naked, brother. But I do love a man in bondage too."  
Jecht wraps himself in Addams Gear(tm) style Manservant Attire, trying to sneak a feel on Lulu before her song ends.

Unfortunately, this was the one time in her life that she was wearing real clothes. "There's a light...over Guadosalom in every nutball's mind."  
Wakka stares at Lulu. "What in the Blazes?!"  
"I think I will write that song with the title The Macarena now."  
"You mean The Machalania, ya? It's sure to be a hit!"

Jecht, now bored, grabs Lulu's hair and Wakka's Ear, dragging them (forcefully) to the mansion's doorway, opens, enters, and slams the door in their faces. Puzzled, Lulu rings the DoorMachina. Suddenly, a window is opened high (2 feet) above.  
"Who rang that bell?!" Bellows Tromell.  
"Umm...She did, ya?"  
Tromell hammers and hangs a sign: _Bell out of Order - Please Knock!_  
Wakka knocks carefully, expecting to see Tromell again, but instead sees Jecht. "Whadda you want? I'm busy."  
"Uh...Our shoopuff cramped and fell. We need to borrow a chocobo to get home."  
"KWEH!"  
"WARK!"  
"We ain't got one. Come in, if you don't believe me."  
Lulu steps forward. "May we perhaps use a sphere instead? We need to tell someone where we are."  
Jecht shakes his head. "Walk this way."  
Standing absolutely still, he guides the couple to stand at the base of a grand stairway. People (lots of them) are humming the Hymn of the Fayth.  
"Are you having a party?" Lulu asks aloud.  
Jecht cracks his neck, rubs his shoulders and shrugs. "You've arrived on a rather special night. The Maester is performing Cats for a buncha Ronsos."  
"Oh!" Lulu responds, bewildered. "Lucky them!"  
Yuna creeps up and fondles Lulu from behind. "Not as lucky as some. We're ALL getting lucky TONIGHT!" She throws a feather duster to Jecht. (Did I mention Yuna is wearing a short skirted French Maid outfit with emphasis on her bust? No? Oh well.)  
Jecht catches it in midair, jumping high with a twirl, and rips some cobwebs from the ceiling, holding the duster with his toes. "i'm the Best! At BLITZBALL. Nobody can steal one of my balls!"  
Yuna joins the singing, "I love to watch from the sidelines, and join in at the lockers, when the players take a break!"

Jecht forces Lulu and Wakka through a set of closed doors, where two dozen blue hornless Ronsos in Masquerade are dancing The Hustle. They all scream, "Let's Take a Time Out Again! Let's Take a Time Out Again!"

* * *

And the scariness will be further described...in the next chapter. Apologies for delays, rare is the library visit.


End file.
